over the last couple of weeks, i swear i’ve opened up my blog composer at least 50 times, only to pen out one line, then decide to delete it five minutes later.
my words seemed stale, and on some occasions, close to even nausea inducing. the very last of my vices that to no extent jeopardized my health or finances, found a way to do something beyond numbing, beyond relieving; it silenced me.
the first few times i striked it off as writer’s block. afterall since getting into the blogsphere for the 9876521568th time after yet anoter hiatus last year, i made a pledge to myself that this space would be my soul’s voice because sometimes, for reasons unknown, the words in my head coupled with the emotions rolling around in my heart, never seemed to find their way out of my mouth, no matter how bad they tried. i wasn’t going to turn it into a billboard or catalogue containing the nonsensical ramblings of a teeny bopper whose life revolved around trivial things. this was going to be my canvas; painted with every shade of grey on the low days, and accented with hints of pink for the good ones.
then the act of me only getting as far as typing out a title became more occurent. i knew somewhere in the back of my head, that at the rate my life’s been going, there really wasn’t much to talk about anyway, and any attempt to do so would just mean me being redundant.
so i ignored the thoughts i fear most; the ones of me slowly, but inevitably becoming exactly what i’ve never wanted to become – hollow.
but i think its finally happened.
i’ve run out of things to say, ways to feel, reasons to keep going.
it happens i suppose, to the best of us, but until some sort of change comes along, i think i’m going to pull the curtains down on this one for the time being.
Writers Block equals the heart not being on the idea itself and wandering off into other possibilities. Focus on one and the block will be erased.